


Broken

by Kantayra of Yore (Kantayra)



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-11-01
Updated: 2002-11-01
Packaged: 2017-10-19 03:37:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/196446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kantayra/pseuds/Kantayra%20of%20Yore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-'Wrecked'. Buffy and Spike meet in the hospital waiting room and discuss just how broken they are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

Buffy sighed when she walked into the hospital waiting room. As usual, Spike stuck out like a sore thumb among the tanned, suburban populace of Sunnydale. He was currently sprawled all over one of the hard, plastic seats, arms stretched over the backs of the chairs on either side of him and legs blocking the entire aisle.

Buffy fought the urge to give him a good, hard slap. He was just so…argh! Always spreading his _limbs_ around in places they didn’t belong!

The rest of the inhabitants of the waiting room seemed to share her opinion. Actually, she had to admit it was kind of funny. The room was about half full…to be specific, the half of the room Spike _wasn’t_ in was full, and he sat by himself on his half.

The old woman who’d been unfortunately stuck nearest him kept looking at him nervously and clutching her purse tightly to her chest.

As Buffy watched, he looked directly into the old lady’s eyes, looked down to her purse, and licked his lips. He chuckled slightly to himself as she let out an audible “eep!” and hid in the center of the herd.

“Stop scaring old people,” Buffy said wearily, approaching him.

“In all fairness,” he said with that falsely serious look he sometimes got, “’m almost twice as old as she is.”

Buffy took a deep breath and mentally counted to ten. She was absolutely _not_ going to blow up at Spike. Spike wasn’t the one she was mad at right now…or, he was, but he wasn’t the person she was _most_ mad at right now. In fact, he probably only barely made the top ten, which for Spike was a remarkable accomplishment…especially after last night.

“Where’s Dawn?” she finally asked, rubbing her temples tiredly.

“Bit’s havin’ X-rays done on her arm,” he replied soberly. “They wouldn’t me let go in with her. Wouldn’t let _anyone_ go in,” he hastily added when he noted the worried look on Buffy’s face, that one that said ‘I should have been there.’

She nodded numbly.

“Here, have a seat,” he quickly extracted his arm from one of the seats beside him.

Buffy let out an exhausted little sigh, and then took the other seat beside him…the one that his arm was still wrapped around.

“Buffy?” he looked at her curiously.

“Shh,” she said softly, resting her head on his shoulder. “Just hold me, OK?”

She closed her eyes and murmured in appreciation when his arm circled her waist. His free hand came up to brush the few errant strands of bangs that he escaped her braids aside.

“Y’know, ducks,” he finally said in a low chuckle, “now _you’re_ the one scarin’ old people.”

Buffy cracked one eye open to look at him. “What do you mean?” she demanded.

Spike leaned in to whisper conspiratorially in her ear. “See those two old ladies over there?” he said lightly, casually.

Buffy surreptitiously glanced at the horrified-looking pair he’d pointed out. “Yeah?” she asked curiously.

“They both ‘ave innocent, young granddaughters jus’ like you, pet,” he informed her. “An’ their worst nightmare? That their precious li’l girls ‘re sidlin’ up to a bloke jus’ like me…”

Buffy couldn’t help but let out a short bark of laughter…one that quickly turned to a sob.

“Oh, Buffy,” he cooed in her ear, his own eyes tearing up as he clutched her to him. “Tha’s right, kitten,” he rubbed her back soothingly. “Tha’s it. Let it all out… Let it all out on me. I can take it. It’ll be all right…”

“How?” Buffy asked raggedly. “How will it be all right?”

He sighed, already wishing he hadn’t tacked that platitude on. It was just that he so wanted to make it all right… “You got me,” he confessed. “It won’ be all right…’t least not yet. You still got yanked out of ‘eaven, an’ Mum’s still gone an’ not comin’ back, an’ Red’s still got an addiction she might never recover from, an’ Dawn’s still in the hospital an’ injured.”

“Thanks a lot, Spike,” she said bitterly, pulling back from him. “Way to make me feel _worse_ …”

“Look at it this way, pet,” he said with a hopeful smile, “at least you don’t ‘ave homework and an apocalypse on top of it.”

She fought back the smile, but it came anyway. “Stop it,” she told him.

“Stop what?” he asked, confused.

“Making me feel better.”

He rolled his eyes and groaned. “Ten seconds ago you were yellin’ at me for the exact opposite!” he protested.

“Yeah, well… Just. Stop.” She bit her bottom lip and turned away from him.

“I can’t,” he reminded her softly, this one time deferring to her wishes and leaving the words unspoken.

Buffy let out a sigh of resignation and leaned back against him. “You’ve tried though?”

Her question caught him by surprise.

“Tried ‘s hard ‘s I could,” he assured her.

She nodded and closed her eyes. “Thanks for that much,” she said.

“Anythin’,” he agreed, “tha’s in my power, that is…”

They waited quietly like that for a few minutes, still and silent in the loud and frantic environment around them.

“You really don’t think Willow will make it?” she finally broke the companionable silence.

“I don’t know,” he replied honestly. “She’s pretty badly off, luv, an’ that stuff’s hard to shake. But she’s got a chance. Everyone’s always got a chance.”

“Do you?”

“S’pose.”

“Do I?”

“’f I ‘ave anythin’ to say about it.”

“What makes you think you do?”

“I don’t. But that doesn’t mean I stop trying.”

“Why not?”

“’Cause you’re worth it.”

“How much am I worth?”

“Everything.”

“Am I worth you? Your life? If that’s what it takes?”

“Whatever it takes,” he agreed seriously.

She looked up at him and slowly ran one thumb down his cheek. “I’m broken,” she informed him. “Wrong.”

“I still love you,” he responded, “even if you can’t be fixed.”

She let out an hysterical little laugh. “Maybe we’re all broken,” she finally replied to his inquiring look.

He smiled at that. “Can’t argue with that,” he said, leaning back in his seat. “But we’ve all still got a chance.”

She sighed and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. He looked at her, surprised.

“All strangers here,” she explained. “No one will ever know…”

“’m still your dark, dirty secret then,” he pulled back.

“I thought I was worth _everything_ ,” she countered with a sly smile.

He thought about it for a second before wrapping his arm around her once more. She almost felt a pang deep down in her heart when he did so, but it had been dead for so long – far longer than she had – that it quickly faded to nothing.

“What about Dawn?” Buffy asked, suddenly focused once more.

“Looks like she’s fine physically,” he reassured her. “Injured, yes, but she’ll recover. The other wounds…”

“Those take longer to heal.”

“But they still do eventually.”

“Do they?” she looked at him curiously. “They haven’t for me…”

He flinched almost as if slapped, and for a second she felt sorry. Sorry she had ever pretended to be his friend, sorry she had kissed him, sorry she had led him on, sorry she had used and abused him, sorry most of all for that one night she could never take back because it meant that she could never make things right between them again…

And then that cool, dead, broken feeling of not caring took over again.

 _Begin the cycle anew_ , she thought wryly to herself, snuggling up against him and placing on hand over his non-beating heart. _And repeat until one of us really breaks…_

“Spike?” she said softly.

“Yeah?”

“Just hold me, and don’t let me go.”

“’Till the end of the world, luv.”


End file.
